Annoying F’ing Robin

The robin that repeatedly knocks himself silly on our window. ON PURPOSE.

The robin that repeatedly knocks himself silly on our window. ON PURPOSE.

We have a new friend. His name is Annoying F’ing Robin. Each morning and evening (at the crack of dawn and prior to sunset), Annoying F’ing Robin struts up to the basement window well and stares deeply into his own eyes through the reflection of the window. He then proceeds to either peck the SHIT out of the window or fly into it over and over, and OVER again.

When Jack first alerted me of the bird’s presence, I momentarily worried his paranoia had escalated. After a discussion about mental illness and sleep deprivation, even Jack could not confirm the bird existed. This comes from the guy who made me second guess myself on our mother-f’ing HONEYMOON after I was absolutely certain someone had stolen my earrings from our room. He then forced me to report the stolen property to the front desk who assured me they would be tearing our room a new a-hole to look for $18 fake diamond earrings whose disappearance was faked by yours truly -because I want the poor housekeeping staff to get their asses fired. Shut up.

The bird is real, but Jack deserved to second guess himself for the earring incident.

Maybe the bird is bad ass and wants to prove his strength to all the women. Or maybe Annoying F’ing Robin lost his sanity in a window accident and has never recovered. He needs to stop replaying that fateful day in his mind (and in real life) before Jack gets a cat to remedy the problem. And we all know if Jack gets a cat – Jack spends the weekend in the dog house. And if Jack does what he REALLY wants to do with the bird, our neighborhood will be up in arms (or without them) because most people just don’t identify with rednecks.

So my friend, Robin:
Stop being you.

Stop fighting your reflection – you will not win.

And most importantly, stop shitting in my flower beds.

Redneck Love Letters

The apple of his black eye.

The apple of his black eye.

Jack and I had a fantastic wedding over the weekend with lots of romantic and redneck (at times) moments.

When Jack and I were getting back together, he did a heck of a job courting me. He bought me flowers and Midol when I was “under the weather”, made me some mean breakfasts (he still does this), and wrote me love letters on sticky notes.

Swooon, right?

Here are a few mildly romantic, and 100% redneck love letters I have tucked away. They STILL make me smile.

Profanity warning: I’ve married a sailor.

Redneck love letter 3

Yes, that IS a bow and arrow.

This is the card that accompanied the flowers and Midol. “Just because . . . you’re bitchy and crampy.”

Redneck love letter 5

. . . What the?

Redneck love letter 1

Construction Worker Syndrome: Jack likes to add emphasis with the “F” word

Redneck love letter 6

Never happened.

Redneck love letter 4

Again, I apologize for my husband’s lack of filter. He just really “F’ing” loves me, and I love him too!

Kindergarten-level drawing skills and all.

A BBQ Easter

The barbecue has emerged from its winter hibernation and we shall all rejoice, for there will be less dishes to wash.

We won a trip to Mexico so we decided it was time to whip our butts back into shape. Part of our plan is to cut down on the red meat. What does an omnivore eat after taking meat off the table? Poultry and fish. And, since we live inland, our dream of dining on fresh seafood by the handfuls has been viciously torn away. I never thought I would say this but the chicken is getting tired. There are only so many ways you can dress it up; it’s still chicken. Some nights, I find myself participating in a staring contest with the butterflied breasts. They want fun, flair, to be grilled to perfection and placed on a bed of other delicious eats. I tell them to go cook themselves.

But alas, they do not.

We have demolished every last morsel of barbecued chicken for the past two nights and will probably go for the hat trick this evening. Anyone else have BBQ chicken and yam medallions for Easter Dinner? Didn’t think so.

You know how I know we’re rednecks? The BBQ has taken the place of an old dishwasher on our 2’x2′ front deck where the door hits it every time we leave the house. I’m beginning to understand why the neighbors haven’t welcomed us to the neighborhood. . .

Personally, I prefer yams fried or baked because they have a wonderful sweet flavor that is lost to smoke on the barbecue. Here is the easy BBQ method:

Yam Medallions

Wash and peel 1 medium sized yam.

Cut yam into 1/8″ slices (or thinner).

Toss slices in olive oil.

Grill on top rack of BBQ on medium heat for 7 min.

Flip and grill for 5 more minutes.Finish with a sprinkle of salt.

These little guys can get away from you quickly and burn easily. Keep an eye on
them and if in doubt, use a lower temperature so they cook through. You can
master the art of multi-tasking by grilling your chicken or steak (lucky you)
at the same time.