15 Signs I’m Drunk

Lasagna Interrupted

Lasagna Interrupted

  1. I just got a whole hell of a lot wittier.
  2. I started baking or cooking, but it didn’t get done.
  3. I forget what I was going to say now.
  4. People think I’m funny. I think I’m funny.
  5. I called my sister, my mom, my fiancé, and my best friend in an hour time span.
  6. I lost my phone in the laundry pile.
  7. Two twisted teas have mysteriously disappeared.
  8. In my mind I can drive, but I won’t.
  9. Someone is spilling their drink on me. Oh wait, that’s me.
  10. I’m a millionaire!! Shots for everyone!!
  11. I am amazing at pool and every other game that requires hand eye coordination (those in which I fail at whilst sober).
  12. Did I mention I was on the latest episodes of American Idol AND So You Think You Can Dance?
  14. How many is that?
  15. Let’s take a picture!

Delicious Culinary Accident

When I was staying at home all day (the first time) two things became my “bread & butter*”: Days of Our Lives and cooking a fabulous supper. I’ve fallen off the housewife wagon again this past week. In fact, I’m watching Days of Our Lives right now. I’m what they call a multi-tasker.  

I have a Degree in Nutrition – yeah I dropped that line – but oddly enough, I didn’t learn to cook in school. I will be the first to admit there have been some disasters along the way. JoMT has never once told me he didn’t enjoy a meal I created. When asked if he likes it he always nods and smiles. I’m not sure if this means he loves my cooking so much he’s speechless, or he uses his full mouth to avoid telling me how much I suck as a housewife. Worst insult ever! I manage to beat him to the first bite of each dish so I know the truth before I ask, and I’m telling you honestly there are some misses.

I have become more risky and experimental, even creating my own recipes. This reminds me, I have to start writing them down! Maybe I’m alone on this one, but there are times where even I am surprised at my skill level.

For instance, the other day I ate leftover pumpkin soup from the freezer. I know I made it from scratch (the pumpkin was grown in my parents’ garden) a few weeks ago, but I have no insight into what I actually threw in there. It was the epitome of a delicious culinary accident and God help me if I can duplicate it in the future. By the way, next Christmas when you’re enjoying a rum and egg nog, throw a little bit of that nutmeg into your dish too. It’s great in squash soups, dipping sauces, and apple pie. Think Swiss Chalet, but better.

In December, I was over visiting my parents and having a relaxed drink and discussion with my dad. My mom tends to talk to herself (more than the average person) and it’s kind of a running joke in our family. It drives my dad absolutely nuts and he has managed to block her out when she’s talking to herself and sometimes when she’s talking to him. Anyway, she was obsessively cleaning her house (no wonder I’m a freak) and she says to herself,

“I smell burning, why? There is nothing in the oven!”

Odd, I know.

“Oh wait, the bread maker!”

Smoke. Pluming black smoke.

My dad is a problem solver. You know that book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”? My dad is from Mars. He saw smoke and, while my Mom was panicking, he unplugged the machine creating the smoke. Easy.

“It’s OK, Mom. It looks cooked.”

Nope. Still dough.

She says, “Maybe we can make buns in the oven.” (This is hilarious because my sister is doing this same thing, but with a baby).

My grandma taught me how to make buns about 18 years ago. That was the sole instance I was exposed to such a thing but somehow it came naturally to me. The buns were quite heavy, however, I’m happy with the way they turned out. It was just another delicious culinary accident.

If you have ever made buns or seen buns being made, you know there is kind of an awkward thing you do with your pointer and middle fingers and your other hand and then you pinch off the excess dough. I won’t spell it out for you here because I don’t want this post to come up in any questionable Internet searches, but I had this graphic conversation with my sister (the one with the bun in the oven).

“I made buns today. Pretty proud of myself. Do you remember how?”

“Oh, awesome! Like this, right?”

As she demonstrates the finger thing I laugh to myself, “Well, there is now no question about how that bun got in the oven.”

*If you clicked on the photo because you thought I was pregnant, get outta here Nosy Nancy. Just to be clear, I’m not.

A BBQ Easter

The barbecue has emerged from its winter hibernation and we shall all rejoice, for there will be less dishes to wash.

We won a trip to Mexico so we decided it was time to whip our butts back into shape. Part of our plan is to cut down on the red meat. What does an omnivore eat after taking meat off the table? Poultry and fish. And, since we live inland, our dream of dining on fresh seafood by the handfuls has been viciously torn away. I never thought I would say this but the chicken is getting tired. There are only so many ways you can dress it up; it’s still chicken. Some nights, I find myself participating in a staring contest with the butterflied breasts. They want fun, flair, to be grilled to perfection and placed on a bed of other delicious eats. I tell them to go cook themselves.

But alas, they do not.

We have demolished every last morsel of barbecued chicken for the past two nights and will probably go for the hat trick this evening. Anyone else have BBQ chicken and yam medallions for Easter Dinner? Didn’t think so.

You know how I know we’re rednecks? The BBQ has taken the place of an old dishwasher on our 2’x2′ front deck where the door hits it every time we leave the house. I’m beginning to understand why the neighbors haven’t welcomed us to the neighborhood. . .

Personally, I prefer yams fried or baked because they have a wonderful sweet flavor that is lost to smoke on the barbecue. Here is the easy BBQ method:

Yam Medallions

Wash and peel 1 medium sized yam.

Cut yam into 1/8″ slices (or thinner).

Toss slices in olive oil.

Grill on top rack of BBQ on medium heat for 7 min.

Flip and grill for 5 more minutes.Finish with a sprinkle of salt.

These little guys can get away from you quickly and burn easily. Keep an eye on
them and if in doubt, use a lower temperature so they cook through. You can
master the art of multi-tasking by grilling your chicken or steak (lucky you)
at the same time.


Whisks & Drills Don’t Mix

To start, I should mention I do not like to share my kitchen. I can cook a mean meal if distractions are kept to a minimum; just go sit down and watch tv, kind sir. Take me out of “the zone”, and your supper will be burnt or you will find me in a sniffling ball in the corner. I even prefer to wash my own dishes, because anyone else will likely not do it the right way; my way. Now, for the fun part. . .

The other day, Tony discovered my whisk (which belongs in the kitchen) fits in the end of his drill (which belongs almost anywhere but the kitchen). And, because men are like children, he just couldn’t help himself.

“Do you need me to whisk that?”

“Sure.” (I am humouring you, do not wreck my crepe batter).

Now, what happened next was admittedly adorable, but I hope it never happens again. As the drill started purring, I looked over at my redneck Macgyver. What I saw on Tony’s face was not just a regular smile, but the biggest, “look at me, mom” smile I have ever seen. I fought the urge to laugh for fear he would make a habit of bringing construction tools into my kitchen, but I gave him 10 points for creativity.

Later on. . .

“Leave the new peanut butter for me to mix up. I know you don’t like doing it.”

“That’s ok, I’ll do it.”

“No, I’ll just get the drill out.”

From this conversation, I moved swiftly toward the kitchen to mix up the peanut butter while Tony was in the shower. Whisks and drills technically mix but, in the future I hope they don’t.

The crepes were delicious, by the way. They were perfect for both sweet and savoury fillings. See below for recipes.

Basic Crepes
2 eggs
1 cup almond milk
1/2 t. salt
2 T. melted margarine, cooled
1 c. flour (all-purpose, unbleached or spelt)
1-2 T. water to thin batter
Olive oil to lightly coat pan
Beat eggs well in medium bowl.
Whisk in almond milk, salt, melted margarine, and flour.
Cover and refrigerate for 30 min.
Heat frying pan until hot and grease with olive oil.
Pour half cup of batter into pan and tilt pan in circular motion.
Cook a few minutes, then flip.
Cook one minute more and let cool on a plate.
Repeat until all batter is used.
Dessert options may include any fruit with a whipped cream topping.
We used:
1/4 c. frozen berries, thawed
2 T plain yogurt
Savoury options usually involve a cream-based chicken mixture. Try your hand at a roux and add herbs and vegetables!