Moist eyes & Dry Diapers

Oh, hey. It’s me.

I wish I could say I have been saving the world, or even traveling it.

I would even be comfortable saying I was taking a sabbatical if I thought for a minute it would make me sound cool. No one really knows what a sabbatical is anyway. It’s usually just code for unemployed. And that would be a little redundant of a gal who nicknamed herself Lady Leisure, don’t you think?

The last 3 years have been crazy. How has it even been that long? I have been busy child-rearing for three very long and stressful years.

I don’t get a lot of sleep. It got to the point where my eyes felt like I constantly had eyelashes in them. Which I was convinced was a thing until the optometrist said I had dry eyes. Her prescription was a trip to humid Hawaii. Have I mentioned I have two young kids? I can’t take those little jerks anywhere. Not even grocery shopping! Have you tried vacationing with your mini-me? If you have, you’re already laughing because you KNOW it’s awful. And if you’re tossing the idea around with your significant other, JUST SAY NO.

“But, my kids have been so good lately.”

A good kid at home equals a possessed demon on vacation. Don’t do it.

“We deserve a trip as a family.”

So, you can’t get child care? Don’t do it.

Go as a couple and have a romantic rendezvous. Or better yet, go by yourself and get some sleep. You don’t even have to go to Hawaii. Sneak off to the pantry or the garage for a well-deserved nap. The dry eyes will work themselves out when they are closed longer than 12 seconds a night.

Now… if you’ll excuse me, I have to cut this short. I must go childrear my non-sleeper and then head to bed to dream of a life of moist eyes and dry diapers.

Until next time.

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