I’m F@cking Offended That You’re Offended

The offspring of Generation X; the "Spoiled, Offended Generation".

The offspring of Generation X; the “Spoiled, Offended Generation”.

This had to be said by someone at some point, and Lady Leisure seems to be good at offending others, so here it is. I’m laying it all out for you.

I’m annoyed with people who are offended by humor. I’m fed up with individuals who cover their child’s ears when someone innocently lets a swear slip. To put it bluntly, I’m sick of society’s shit; and here’s why:

Our generation (Generation X) was the first one not to get physically abused by our teachers in school. We had it good. We rode our bikes without helmets and played in our yards and neighborhoods without fear. As girls, we played games like kick the can and hopscotch, wrote in our diaries, started babysitter clubs, and gossiped until the cows came home. When we got a bit older, we experimented with alcohol in our parents’ basements and read magazine articles about sex. When we didn’t hand in our homework, we effectively received a big fat “zero” on the assignment. If we didn’t study for an exam or pay attention in class, our grades reflected that behaviour. And you know what? We learned from our mistakes and tried harder next time. We realized these tough lessons in grade school so we could be functioning members of society as we grew into adulthood.

Although bullying has sadly always been around, not one of us was “offended” by the fair and just repercussions of our actions, and life was kosher. The world was a better place before social media, internet networking/marketing, and technology ruled the world.

So here we are approximately 15-20 years later, and life is EASY for most of the offspring of Generation X (too easy, if you ask me). We became adults and somehow forgot what it was like to be a kid growing up in the 80’s and 90’s and how fun and discipline played equal roles in our childrearing. We owe the discipline we received from all the adults in our lives for our current successes. But, we no longer understand balance. Some of us will let our children do anything they want, including the allowance to disrespect authority, because we feel our parents were too hard on us. Others will not allow our children to do or try anything, for fear of them getting hurt, offended, or WORSE.

I am not yet a parent and I will not tell you how to raise your child. What I will do, is give my opinion on what will stop the current generation from being referred to in the future as the “spoiled, offended generation”. Give your kids a break and start acting like a parent. Discipline them when they portray unacceptable behaviour. Let them watch a movie with crude language and nudity under your supervision.  Take away their tablet and kick them outside for fresh air and a bike ride. In true Lady Leisure form, teach them how to tell a mean “Knock Knock “ joke and how to display wit with ease. Don’t try to be there to catch them BEFORE they fall; just ensure you’re present to dust them off AFTER and say, “Great try, let’s continue practicing/studying/working hard to make next time even better.”

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10 Rules For Not Appearing Like a Complete D!ck

The "dead fish" handshake is out.

The “dead fish” handshake is out.

I sit here impatiently waiting for another deadbeat not to show up for his interview. By now, 25 minutes have passed since the time set (in stone) for our face-to-face meeting, and even though the little jerk has my phone number, I have yet to receive a call saying, “I’m lost”, “I got another job”, “Go f*ck yourself”, or otherwise.

I have to be honest, one time when it was still legal to talk on your cell phone while driving, I was 10 minutes late for an interview. In my defence, I had to work another job that day which happened to be 2 hours away from the meeting point, and I called the interview organizer 30 minutes in advance to notify her of my impending tardiness. I got the job.

Here are 10 Written and Unwritten (until now) Rules For Not Appearing Like a Complete Dick to a potential employer:

1.) Shower & Groom Yourself
– Self-explanatory; I don’t want to smell your odours.

2.) Show Up On Time & Prepared
– Have a phone number or email address handy to contact me if something happens.
– Prepare some excuses ahead of time too. (See “My Dog Ate My Homework and Other Excuses”)

3.) Look Me In the Eye and Shake My Hand Like You Mean It
– I may be a woman, but I don’t appreciate the dead fish/wet noodle.
– You’re here proving to me that you can lift 50lbs on site and that I can trust you, not that you’re sensitive to my fragility.

4.) Don’t Be a Dumb Ass (Socially)
– Tell me your skills, relevant experience, and why you’re a good fit for our company.
– Don’t talk my ear off about your dog, wife, and how I remind you of someone you once knew.

5.) Don’t Be a Dumb Ass (Intellectually)
– You are an adult. Act like an adult.
– Show me you are capable of solving your own problems.

6.) Answer My Questions Like a Champ
– Be forthcoming and complete with your answers.
– “YEAH” is a song by Joe Nichols, and although it’s a good one, it’s not doing you any favours.

7.) Ask me Questions
– This will make you seem smart and will prevent unpleasant surprises once you start work.

8.) Don’t Ask For More Than What You’re Worth to Us
– The economy is slow which means the employer has the upper hand. We are searching for unskilled labourers to get shit done. I refuse to pay you $30 an hour because you’re an EMT; this is irrelevant to our line of business.
– I have a mother-f’ing degree and I get paid an administrative assistant hourly rate.
– And I’m sleeping with the boss.

9.) Thank Me For My Time
– I took the time to review your resume, call you and give you the opportunity to sell yourself to our company – give me some props here.

10.) Don’t Waste my Time
– If you’re not interested, tell me right away.
– I’m not your date and I won’t get offended that you don’t want to see me anymore, so don’t evade my calls for shit sake!

Show up for your first day of work and keep showing up. It’s long hours and hard work, but your pay cheque is going to reflect this apparent hell.

Now, get out there and make Lady Leisure proud!