- I just got a whole hell of a lot wittier.
- I started baking or cooking, but it didn’t get done.
- I forget what I was going to say now.
People think I’m funny. I think I’m funny.
- I called my sister, my mom, my fiancé, and my best friend in an hour time span.
- I lost my phone in the laundry pile.
- Two twisted teas have mysteriously disappeared.
- In my mind I can drive, but I won’t.
- Someone is spilling their drink on me. Oh wait, that’s me.
- I’m a millionaire!! Shots for everyone!!
- I am amazing at pool and every other game that requires hand eye coordination (those in which I fail at whilst sober).
- Did I mention I was on the latest episodes of American Idol AND So You Think You Can Dance?
- I. JUST. CAN’T.STOP.LAUGHING.
- How many is that?
- Let’s take a picture!