I pulled “a Jack” last night. He’s a traffic bully and he tailgates people so they get out of the fast lane so that he can pass. But if someone is tailgating him on the highway, WATCH OUT! Extreme road rage is one thing that isn’t a deal breaker about Jack, but could be if I were a little less evil myself.
Someone was riding my ass after Zumba class and her lights were reflecting off my windshield from behind. I could see nothing and do nothing. I tried the ol’ tapping the brakes trick.
Brake lights don’t scare you? Hmm.
So I waited until I turned on to another road, threw my flashers on, and pulled over by the mailboxes. Once the tailgater passed me I accelerated so quickly behind that a-hole, the triple threat happened: squealing tires, flying gravel, and traction control engagement. Of course I couldn’t keep up with “Tailgater A-hole” so I gave them one last flash of my brights before they disappeared over the hill. You would think this would make me feel better, but I stewed about it the rest of the 5 min trip home and the first thing that came out of my mouth when I got there was this sad story.
And you wanna know what Jack said to make it all better?
“SEE?! Feels good, doesn’t it?”
Yeah . . It does.
Ps. Jack wanted me to call this post, “If You’re Gonna Ride My Ass, At Least Pull My Hair.”