Share the Salmonella Love

Share the Salmonella Love

Share the Salmonella Love

In our prime, my sister and I shared some interesting party memories. Other than visiting the Petro beside the bar for some inebriated Pizza Pops, not too many things remain in my memory. By the way, slow clap to whoever thought of putting a microwave in a gas station (beside a liquor establishment).

One of our friends recently had a child, and he is the proudest Dad in the world! It got me thinking about this gentleman’s younger years and how much life changes when we finally decide to take the leap (ie. marriage, children, etc.)

One evening after our pizza pop-eating ritual, my sister and I witnessed one of this gentleman’s finer moments. This story is not the best nor the most crude story about “Proud Dad”, but just one of the times I happened to be present and sober enough to report the details many years later.

Boys are mean to each other. If this weren’t the case, I wouldn’t have laughed near as much growing up. Please do not confuse this with me thinking bullying is funny or right, because I do not. Innocent digs and practical jokes amongst friends is the kind of “mean” I fully support.

This particular evening, one of Proud Dad’s buddies was pouring a drink and was searching for ice in the freezer. An exclamation point and light bulb lit up simultaneously over this guy’s head when he revealed a frozen, raw chicken breast instead of ice cubes.

My thought at that moment was, “OHH NO, who’s getting Salmonella tonight?”

The answer to that question quickly became apparent as the guy removed the chicken breast from its protective barrier and placed it on Proud Dad (who was passed out on the couch). Incoherently, Proud Dad yelled at “Put-Put” (my sister) to stop being such a female dog. We tried to stifle our laughs to no avail, while the novelty of the quickly thawing chicken breast soon wore off. After placing the chicken breast in a more inappropriate area on the passed out gentleman’s body, Proud Dad’s buddy had another idea.

“Why don’t we put the chicken on the fan . . . then turn it on (and try hitting Proud Dad)?”

This part impresses me because it means someone not only paid attention in Physics class, but was able to take the learnings and apply them to a real life situation. This is also where my memory gets a little foggy. I am not sure if the fan trick actually worked, but I do recall several attempts; each time raw chicken juice spattering across the living room.

Share the Salmonella love.

As I prepare for my Stagette (Bachelorette Party) this weekend, I am relieved this type of behaviour is far in the past. However, if I come down with a bout of “foodborne illness” the day after the festivities, we know “Put-Put” is to blame.

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