Extreme Googler

My life should be a TLC Special. You know all those times throughout the day you stop and ask yourself, “What’s that all about?” and the thought soon passes and you go on with your day?

I wish I could do that.I dwell until I give up and Google it.

I don’t know how I lived pre-2003 when we had nothing but dial-up at home. At that time, the encyclopedia was a more reliable reference material. I just looked up how to spell “encyclopedia” because they are pretty much extinct 11 years later (OK, I didn’t look this one up).

When Jack of Most Trades and I get into an argument, I Google the correct answer. If I’m right, do I throw it in his face?
Absolutely! If I’m wrong, do I tell him? Of course not! I look through the pages until I find an unreliable source confirming my story. When our arguments then escalate into not speaking to each other, there is nothing left to do but Google relationship advice.

Do I know how to get to my neighbor’s house without Google Maps? It’s a toss-up.

Sore throat? Google says I have a rare condition called “Get a Life”. Sounds deadly.

The most popular shows on television in recent years have been reality shows, and the more intense or extreme, the more addictive. We don’t even have to waste our time looking for the really good shows because TLC has done it for us. Just adding the word “extreme” to the beginning of the title has automatically put these shows well ahead of the rest of the pack.

It all started with Extreme Sports, but people stopped watching when they realized they could get the real adrenaline by going out and partaking in these sports themselves. Then, there was Extreme Makeover. You remember that show, right? They turned the ugly ducklings into the beautiful swans with lots of plastic surgery, makeup, and designer clothes. I’m guessing this was a little TOO extreme for viewers, (or the participants faces started melting) because that one was cut from the airwaves. They changed the name a bit and make it into a tearjerker called Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and it became the talk of the town. I would be annoyed if I was able to hold back the tears during even one home reveal.

Currently, there is a new era of Extreme. Money is tight; most of us have been feeling this. Many women are staying at home with their kids and have a little extra time on their hands for Extreme Couponing. By the way, don’t even try this in Canada, you’ll make more money panhandling. The one that takes the cake for me is Extreme Cheapskates. You are burning garbage in your city backyard. If I were your neighbor I would knock over your burning barrel and have a REAL bon fire. You vacuum at night because energy costs less at night. Is this even true? You’re baking your lasagna in the dishwasher. With the dirty dishes and soap? Get real.

I’m an Extreme Googler and I want a TLC show.

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