For Real Engaged

I used to refer to Jack of Most Trades (JoMT) as my fiance-to-be and there is somewhat of an entertaining story behind the label. You see, I knew I was getting a ring approximately 6 months before I got the ring. Here is a piece of advice for anyone planning on proposing to their girlfriend (or boyfriend): do it right away; pull off the Band-Aid in one quick, fluid movement. If you keep putting it off because you are afraid to ask her Dad for permission like JoMT did, there will be no surprise in the end.
I remember the day I found out I was going to be the future Jane of Most Trades. A few days earlier, JoMT had closed his laptop quickly and told me it was a surprise. This was his first mistake. If you don’t want a woman snooping around, say it is work and you don’t want to bore her with it. Of course, because it was a surprise, I was determined to ruin it. Over the next few days I casually sifted through his emails, getting braver and delving deeper into the list of emails each day. There it was, the email in question. I don’t remember the exact subject line but it said something about a diamond. I wish my facial expression could have been captured at the exact moment my eyes met that word.

If you were listening in on the conversation I was having with myself at the time you would hear something like,

“DIAMOND!!? Holyyy ****!”

It is a little disappointing that JoMT was not there to witness my shock and revelation (the real one). I texted my good friend to let her in on the good news. From then on, we referred to the diamond as a “movie” and I obsessed over that thing like nothing else. Here is an example:

Friend: “So, did you get a movie for Christmas?”

Me: “Nope, I can’t sleep.”

Friend: “My other friend got a movie. Maybe you will get one for Valentine’s Day.

Relationships are based on trust and honesty. Don’t lie to your significant other. Unless it’s funny. I knew about this diamond for 6 weeks before I hinted enough for JoMT to figure out I knew. It was very much like a Friends episode. First, I knew. Then, he knew I knew. Next, I knew he knew I knew. Finally, we both came clean over dinner and a couple of beers, had a little nervous laugh and he asked me if I wanted to see it. Second mistake, fellas.

“Well yeah, I want to see it!”

“Ok, do you know where it is? You can’t try it on though.”

“Yes, it is in the gun safe but you have the key. If I could have got in,that baby would already be on my finger. We will see. . . . WOOWWW”

“Ok, you can try it on, but just for a second and then you have to put it back.”

He then proceeded to give me a lesson on diamond quality and told me it was a presentation band and I could choose my own permanent band.

After picking out my band in January, I wore the ring around the house every one in a while and wore it to the grocery store when I felt rather bold. Finally, I told him I wanted a real engagement (even though it was my fault there wasn’t one) and the wait was on. Valentine’s Day slid through our fingers. I gave him every opportunity to spend quality alone time with my Dad to no avail. Later in February, he won us a trip to Mexico that we would take in April. I stopped obsessing for a couple of months because I just KNEW he would propose on the trip.

On the way to the airport at 3AM he convinced me he did not bring the ring because he didn’t want it to get stolen. It proved tough to pretend I wasn’t disgustingly disappointed but I think I was pretty convincing myself. On the last night of our Mexican vacation, after having an amazing time and then both of us getting sick on consecutive days, we decided it best to get out of the room. JoMT had to go back to the room for something he forgot and because I had been vomiting violently all day, I had no objection to his suggestion of me staying behind. As a little background, our resort had many stairs and I did not hear a ‘peep’ out of him about it all week until this last night. We checked out the ocean one last time and put our feet in the water and he asked me to go back to the beach to get the camera. He was acting like a nutcase but I obliged. When I got back to where he was, he had written “Will you Marry Me?” in the sand. It happened exactly how I pictured it. I even gave him the idea a few days earlier. But, he fooled me on our early morning car ride to the airport and continued to pull the wool over my eyes the entire week. I was surprised and I cried a little and then we were for real engaged.

THE END.

Oh, and gentlemen, the third mistake you should never make is as follows. . . Don’t try stuffing the entire ring box into the waistband of your jeans. It’s uncomfortable and unnecessary when the ring itself will fit nicely in a pocket.

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