Down Pout

I like the indoors. It’s warm, safe, and familiar. Outside sucks; it’s not for everyone. Luckily, Fiancé-To-Be is an avid outdoorsman and jack of most trades and until the other day, has been available for all our maintenance needs. We had a heck of a winter with foot after foot of snow between October and March. I am ready for climate change but somehow I don’t think I alone could release enough aerosol hairspray into the atmosphere to make a difference (environmentalists take note, this is a joke). This past week, it finally warmed up and the shoddy workmanship the previous owner called “downspouts” became useless. By the looks of the front step and the landscaping around the house, it is evident this man came directly from the Canada’s Worst Handyman winner’s circle still wielding his Screw-Hammer.

It all started in the kitchen, which, in my house, is not unusual. Unless you’re filling up a bathtub or washing machine, the sound of running water is never a comforting one. It could mean your kitchen sink is leaking down the basement wall which will lead you to have to tear out drywall and insulation and start over. Then, you see mold and frost behind the insulation so you continue your examination and determine it essential to rip out all the insulation in the rim joists in the thick of winter. This story deserves its own post, so I’ll stop there. To summarize thus far: outside sucks, homeownership sucks, and water sucks.

I could hear something odd occurring through the closet in the kitchen and I knew it had to be either the downspouts or aliens so I actually went outside to investigate. A 300gpm waterfall was pouring out right beside the house so of course, I panicked. I picked up the ice pick and frantically chipped away the ice to free the downspout from it’s wintery prison.

(As an aside, I didn’t play baseball in school for a reason. My hand eye coordination has always been a little “off”).

The downspout started spraying water out the top like an arterial bleed out of a slasher movie. I assume them to be equally horrifying. I had two options: call Jack of Most Trades or “fix” it myself. Anyone who grew up watching the Red Green Show knows duct tape is the ultimate fix for absolutely everything.

After I called Tony and told him I was headed inside for the duct tape, he arrived in the yard in record time. He took one look at my hack-job-duct tape- surgery, called me cute, and had me hand him tools while I pouted.

Whisks & Drills Don’t Mix

To start, I should mention I do not like to share my kitchen. I can cook a mean meal if distractions are kept to a minimum; just go sit down and watch tv, kind sir. Take me out of “the zone”, and your supper will be burnt or you will find me in a sniffling ball in the corner. I even prefer to wash my own dishes, because anyone else will likely not do it the right way; my way. Now, for the fun part. . .

The other day, Tony discovered my whisk (which belongs in the kitchen) fits in the end of his drill (which belongs almost anywhere but the kitchen). And, because men are like children, he just couldn’t help himself.

“Do you need me to whisk that?”

“Sure.” (I am humouring you, do not wreck my crepe batter).

Now, what happened next was admittedly adorable, but I hope it never happens again. As the drill started purring, I looked over at my redneck Macgyver. What I saw on Tony’s face was not just a regular smile, but the biggest, “look at me, mom” smile I have ever seen. I fought the urge to laugh for fear he would make a habit of bringing construction tools into my kitchen, but I gave him 10 points for creativity.

Later on. . .

“Leave the new peanut butter for me to mix up. I know you don’t like doing it.”

“That’s ok, I’ll do it.”

“No, I’ll just get the drill out.”

From this conversation, I moved swiftly toward the kitchen to mix up the peanut butter while Tony was in the shower. Whisks and drills technically mix but, in the future I hope they don’t.

The crepes were delicious, by the way. They were perfect for both sweet and savoury fillings. See below for recipes.

Basic Crepes
2 eggs
1 cup almond milk
1/2 t. salt
2 T. melted margarine, cooled
1 c. flour (all-purpose, unbleached or spelt)
1-2 T. water to thin batter
Olive oil to lightly coat pan
Beat eggs well in medium bowl.
Whisk in almond milk, salt, melted margarine, and flour.
Cover and refrigerate for 30 min.
Heat frying pan until hot and grease with olive oil.
Pour half cup of batter into pan and tilt pan in circular motion.
Cook a few minutes, then flip.
Cook one minute more and let cool on a plate.
Repeat until all batter is used.
Dessert options may include any fruit with a whipped cream topping.
We used:
1/4 c. frozen berries, thawed
2 T plain yogurt
Savoury options usually involve a cream-based chicken mixture. Try your hand at a roux and add herbs and vegetables!